In memory of a dear friend…

I have been meaning to write this since I got wind of the news that a dear friend passed away most recently, succumbed to the big C last Monday. She has been a very dear friend from way back and our friendship together with the entire gang of 5 was by far the most memorable I had in my life. It has been more than 20 years I guess that we haven’t seen each other but the news struck me like a freight train. Suddenly, fond memories of her came rushing back like it was yesterday all over again. I guess there is truth to the saying that “people will forget what you have done or what you have said, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.

I can’t really recall how I came to meet her or when our friendship started. All I remember was that the gang frequented their house to hang out and together with her older sister and two brothers was most accommodating to our noisy and at times very boisterous group. She was the personification of “class” and the very first lady I came to know which defined “breeding” (quotes mine) as a way of life. Classy because she doesn’t go for ordinary brands and wears her own style of fashion, not outlandish, nothing fancy but classy. She was likewise smart and intelligent… our conversations would almost always come to a debate not to see who was smarter but rather to pick on each others brain. And it was a great many instances where we would all end up laughing our hearts out. And this lady sure has her way of getting what she wants by an instant big slap on your back or a punch on the arm or worst that dreaded pinch which we boys are all so afraid of, kasi talagang masakit! Another trait that she has was her big heart, she was very generous not just of her resources but of her time, her talents and most especially, her love. I recall our “Galactica” days. ‘Twas one of the foremost discos of our time which we use to frequent back in the days and we all had great fun dancing and drinking our hearts out. She was not a dancer really but she loves the sounds and the music and mind y’all… the 80’s music was by far the best era of it all. We also loved hanging out at Tia Maria’s and San Mig Pub and at one time pigged out at Le Poulet, a fine dining French restaurant in the old Ali Mall. It was all during those days that a great bundle of joy named Maegan came into this world and added a whole new chapter in her life… all of a sudden her life changed as her daughter became the center of everything. We all doted on her, a bubbly and smart kid like her mother was.  It was also in those days that I have seen her resiliency to the point of stubbornness. But she was that, a fighter and later on a great mom to her only daughter. Then the time came when they all had to migrate to America. Saw each other on her first balikbayan trip home. She even gave me a San Francisco baseball cap as pasalubong which I still have to this day. Was starting to lose the top then and she would affectionately call me as ‘bo, short for kalbo (bald). And then she went back and never got the chance to connect again after that… heard on a couple of instances that she visited the Phils. but that was that… then Facebook came... Her daughter was one of the very first friends that I had on FB. Thought we could somehow connect thru the social media but unfortunately, she didn’t have an FB account. It was only later that her daughter created an account for her. Don’t know if she ever posted something herself or was it just her daughter who did all the posts. Nevertheless, was happy to see her again through the pics that were posted on her daughter’s page and was so glad to see that she did a fantastic job raising her only child.

 I will forever cherish in my heart all the happy memories I had of her especially her advises and the love of an older sister which I never had in my life being the eldest of my own family. Likewise, I do have fond memories of their former home in Dominga because that was where I and the greatest love of my life would meet up at most days…  

Ate Beng, you will always be in my heart... thank you for being a dear friend to me and to all of us. I will not say that this is goodbye but rather, we’ll see each other again someday… in the meantime, please keep an eye out for me and my kids.  

Home

A chair is still a chair, even when there is no one sitting there… but a chair is not a house and a house is not a home when there’s no one there… a room is still a room even when there’s nothing there, but a room is not a house and a house is not a home…  

so says the lines from the song Home. The lines suddenly struck me one morning while lazily abusing  the laptop and listening to it made me realize a lot of things. Well, for one, I am literally home alone because my kids are on “the other side of the fence”. Missed the sound they make each day… missed their smiles, missed the laughter’s, the stories, everything about them actually… Maybe missing them was understatement to say the least. They have been my companions in this sorry life that I have… they are the reasons why I am still alive to this day and how I thank God for this gift of my children. They have helped me keep my sanity and kept my hopes up that things will somehow turn out for the better, not just for me, but for all of us. Being alone the last couple of weekends made me realize that there is truth to the adage that “no man is an island”. All of us need people in our lives, one way or the other. In my case, my kids are “the” people in my life. One of the things I so look forward to at the end of each day are the hugs and kisses of my youngest child, that of my only daughter. Takes the tiredness and the weariness away. I don’t know about you, but I always look forward to it… that great big hug she gives me and that wide smile that goes with it. Wouldn’t exchange that for anything in this world. I mean, nothing like a great big hug to cap off a tiring and weary day. Just absolutely perfect for me. Not to be outdone are my two boys. The eldest one is so responsible now and has been most helpful in keeping the house in a state of orderly disarray, hahahaha! Also is the fiscalizer in the house. the second one is ever thoughtful. He gets to and always is the first one to ask about how my day went and how am i… is also my caretaker every time am down with something and is my very able assistant in my “office” (the kitchen).  Of the 3, I think the 2nd one got the better number of my cooking genes. Another thing that I sorely missed is our weekly DVD movie marathon with matching chips and that all time favorite, fish crackers dipped in a fiery vinaigrette which the 2nd one most often concocts.  

Am just so thankful that I get to experience all these because in a couple of years more, I don’t know if they would still be the same with their big hugs and kisses for this old man. You know kids, someday, they would all stop to doing some things because they feel that they have outgrown them or the awkwardness would start to sink in. someday soon it will happen but in the meantime, let me just cherish those moments I  have with my kids because they won’t stay as kids forever.

Being home alone likewise, gave me the peace, quiet and the time to take stock of some things in my life. In these moments of solitude, I came to see my God more clearly. Get to hear Him and His messages for me. One of which is the assurance of His goodness, His mercy and compassion… “ The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made (psalms 145:9)”… He opened up my eyes further to the beauty of this world… “O Lord, what a variety of things You have made! In wisdom you have made them all” (Psalms 104:24). And the innate goodness of man. Yes, man is still good despite of his humanity… we may not know it sometimes but we all are still human in our ways and in our lives. I guess, that is the reality of it all. But being human makes for our desire to earnestly follow God. By being human, we are reminded that nobody is ever perfect in this world. Nobody was and nobody ever will be. Only God is perfect.

So, with the temporary absence of my kids, I am learning to somehow find “home” in this solitary state. I have always dreaded the fact that someday soon, I will be reduced to a lonely state of life because my kids will have to go… to find out and make their own niche in this world. And in this state of prelude of things to come, I am very pleased to say that I have found my “home”. As they say… Home is where the heart is. And my heart is with my God and God is my home. Wishing y’all a blessed and peaceful Sunday. God bless!